Talk to Me

This post started, in my head at least, last week when I was sent a picture from Fandom Fest. The picture was of Slave Leia. Male Slave Leia. Not a gender-swapped version,though if someone wanted to do that I'd love to see it. But a male. Dressed as Slave Leia. Now, I've met MSL at this event in previous years, and he's a nice enough guy. Quiet. A little shy. There to be silly with friends, with whom he occasionally gets loud. But he's always been polite when I've interacted with him. In this picture that I was sent, he was wearing white leggings. Rumor has it, (and let's take this with a shakerfull of salt because I wasn't there and I don't know), that he was wearing the leggings because there were complaints about his level of nudity.

Um, what?  I mean, if he'd been asked not to do this because it's now 2016 and dressing as the opposite gender isn't a joke anymore, then I guess I could understand.  If he'd been asked not to do this because Carrie Fisher was there and disapproved, okay. Though, she saw him last year and to the best of my knowledge was a good sport. But, as I understand, he was asked to do this because people were offended at his amount of skin. At a con. He was showing too much skin. Listen, I sometimes get a little uncomfortable about the kiddos who just want an autograph from one of their heroes next to Nearly Naked Poison Ivy, or Harley Quinn Whose Clothes Were Apparently Eaten By Acid, but the simple fact is that there's a lot of almost naked at a con. I've never seen, at this particular event, someone get called out before. But this guy did.

So, I've been pondering this for a few days when along comes Orlando Bloom's Wang. Yep, Orlando Bloom was naked and someone took pictures and shared them without consent and everyone is acting like this is somehow a gift handed down from God Himself. Unabashedly sharing links and discussing this man's penis. That was shown to the world by someone else.

Okay, so there's no such thing as reverse racism and I imagine there's no such thing as reverse sexism, but here's the thing. ..

If women can show a lot of leg or butt or nipple and it's okay because we are enlightened now, then a little bit of manthigh, or a lot a bit of manthigh surely isn't a problem is it? I understand rape culture and #yesallwomen and the Schroedinger Rapist and these things are real. But thigh? The potential for a glimpse of penis? On the other hand, another penis is being lauded. If Jennifer Lawrence was violated and everyone who saw the pictures or thought it was the price of celebrity is a horrible person, shouldn't the same apply now? I mean, I guess. .. I guess I don't understand.

So, enlighten me? Talk to me. What's the difference? Because right now, from where I'm standing, this is a problem.

No Frills, No Curlicues

I've been thinking about simplicity a lot lately. I've been planning my dream house, and I've been growing my publishing house. The tendency with both is to add the frills, the decorations, the little curlicues around the edges. What are those called, again?
In any case, I've come to believe that, while nice, they aren't necessary. What is necessary is figuring out exactly what you need to take care of yourself in the present, and plan for growth in the future. In the case of my dream house, that means an adequate number of bedrooms and bathrooms, a kitchen, a space where the kids can play, a place where those who need alone time can get that,  and a place where we can all gather, and not much else.
In the case of the publishing house, it means I tried something new. Stocking for big shows is financially difficult, transportation is tricky, keeping them protected from the elements is worse, and if it doesn't go well, you have way more stock than what you may need for a good long while. So, I attended a show where I brought display copies, backups, a well-established paperwork and electronic system, and that's all. We decided to ship all orders.
We launched the system today, and it went incredibly well. I was surprised at how many compliments we got for being so conscientious of our customers, and how many other booksellers complimented us on our business-savvy. I couldn't be more pleased. I'm excited about what this may mean for the future of our house, and how it can help us grow without overstretching.

No frills, no decoration, no little curlicues. Just what we need to grow.

My Queue

I've been stuck. I have all of these ideas, but I'm having a hard time getting them down on paper. So, I've decided to do something fun! The next in the Hauseman Guild series HAS to come out next, but I am letting YOU decided which book in queue I work on next. It's an election year after all, so we might as well get in the spirit. And these are candidates that you can unashamedly support. No misogyny, no potential indictments, no party lines, just good, quality fiction. That's right, YOU get to determine my fate. The power! The control! YOUR NAME IN THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS! You can have it all, just comment below on which book you think I should write next! Nothing like a little pressure to prime the pump, right?

Brink
This is a collection of short stories about a planet stuck on an event horizon. A frame story, this follows the lives of all who inhabit it and must dance around the timelines or face the consequences. A single misstep could take you 100 years into the future, or the past.

Armored
This is a new idea I just started kicking around today about a young woman who gets superpowers, but told from a distinctly Christian perspective. Fun idea.

The Skater Girls of Afghanistan
This is a story told from five different points of view. Set in Afghanistan, it follows the lives of five young women from childhood through adulthood.

Hungry
Middle grade fiction about a young woman who is struggling with identity issues. Feeling her life is out of control and struggling to come to terms with her parents' divorce, she makes a wish to become a mermaid. She does, but she is a shark/human hybrid. As such, she has to find her peace in a way she never imagined.

The Last Faerie
A sweet story about the very last faerie who is forced to Become before her time to battle the forces of evil. This story started as a bedtime story I told my kiddos.

Danny Daimiano
Another book set in the same world as Charlotte and Daisy, this one starts right after Unification and tells the story of a young soldier turned boxer who is involved in the mob. The mob, on the other hand, is involved in a tech race. What happens when he runs afoul of their plans?

The Incredible Adventures of Absolutely Normal
Don't. Please just don't. This is my opus. I'm not good enough yet.

Ready, set, VOTE!!

In Which I Digress

This is not my normal kind of post. Still, I hope you read and enjoy. This is a bit close to my heart.

I took the kiddos to a movie today. We had an amazing time, but while there I saw a preview for an upcoming movie called “The Shallows.” According the Wikipedia that shallows is about, “a young pro surfer named Nancy [who] is surfing at a secluded beach when she becomes stranded on a giant rock 200 yards from shore after an enormous great white shark attacks her. Now, she must find a way back to safety, proving the ultimate contest of wills. For those of you interested in the trailer, you can see it here.

I will not be seeing this movie. I heartily implore you not to see this movie. Sharks are easy targets for horror films. They are large, and toothy, and appear seemingly out of nowhere. So, it makes sense that they fit neatly into the summer scare niche in order to make people think it’s “not safe to go back into the water.” However, time and time again it has been shown that such films have negative effects.

Peter Benchley was the first to cash in on this trend. His Freshman novel, Jaws, sold over 20 million copies and was made into the movie with the iconic two note soundtrack. However, Benchley later greatly regretted the novel, despite it becoming one of the top 10 grossing movies of all time. He was upset that people often forgot that the book was simply fiction, and was heartbroken over the rise in shark killings that took place as an indirect result of the fear the book and movie inspired. The Great White Shark population was decimated by those seeking an awe-inspiring trophy in the years following the movie; a hit to their numbers from which they are still recovering. To counteract this, Benchley  dedicated much of the rest of his life to the conservation of sharks.  

Years later, Deep Water would spur another round of shark killings as fear prompted people to act irrationally. Sharknado has yet to have an impact on anything other than Ian Zearing's career. 

Now here we are, after a year of record shark attacks. Greater numbers of people entering the water combined with warmer water led to 98 unprovoked shark attacks in 2015. People are already tense. In fact, just recently a 24 inch nurse shark was killed after being provoked and harassed into biting. However, despite their size and reputation, sharks in general are not quick to attack. Great Whites especially are not incredibly aggressive to humans, with only 220 documented attacks since 1907. Humans are, in fact, far more of a threat to sharks; for every human killed by sharks, 25 million sharks are killed by humans. History has shown us that “The Shallows” has potential to make those numbers rise even higher.

Please don’t contribute to the senseless fear-mongering and murder of a non-harmful and beautiful special. Please don’t support “The Shallows.” 

A Case For Grace

I was always a vengeance sort of girl. There was something deeply and uniquely satisfying about dealing with a problem by leaving a piece of scorched earth. Issue? Solved. Quickly and efficiently and with a good dose of catharsis thrown in as the icing on the cake. You see, it wasn't enough that a person be wrong. They must know without a doubt they were wrong. Other people had to know they were wrong. It had to be done quickly, and it had to completely eliminate the chances that anything like that would ever happen again. To paraphrase Ender Wiggin, the first punch was to stop that fight, the rest were to stop any others that might happen. And there was just so much I wanted to say.

And it worked. But not really.

The collateral damage was high. There was no chance of reconciliation with the person who had wronged me. While it felt good at the time, eventually guilt and remorse would kick in. So, things changed.

I started a business. There are people involved in this business that I don't like. There are people who engage in shady business practises, who are just damned abrasive, who are unprofessional, who have unreasonable expectations, who break promises. There was even one who headed up one heck of  a Salem style witch hunt against me. And man, sometimes I just want to put them in their place. But I can't. I have a business. Which means I have to be professional. There's way too few bridges in this microcosm of the publishing world to start burning some to the ground. So I learned to moderate myself. I made mistakes along the way.

I had a family. I didn't want to reflect badly on them. I didn't want my children caught in any crossfire. I wanted them to enjoy the stress-free holidays that I didn't. I wanted their lives to be filled with joy and ease. I had done a couple of things that were irreparable and didn't want to do more. I wanted people to be proud of me. So I learned to moderate. I made a few mistakes along the way.

I grew closer to God. For me, that means extending the grace I am so freely given. That's the biggest tenant of the Faith, for me. No matter what I do, He will forgive me. He will bless me. No matter who I am, he will love me. So, I tried to emulate that. I made A LOT of mistakes along the way.

I am now in a situation where there cannot be mistakes. There cannot be missteps. The stakes are way higher than anything I've ever encountered. A huge amount of damage has already been done, outside of my control. And oh, man, I want the vengeance. There are so many lies being spread and so so much I WANT TO SAY. I want to hurt those who hurt the ones I love. But I can't. I cannot. So, while actions have consequences, I am doing my best to move with grace and dignity. I have to trust the judgement of the people I love. I can trust them to see the truth. I have to trust in God that He knows the truth and will act in truth and justice and love, especially when it is difficult for me to do the latter two. To hold my tongue. To walk slowly. It's not cathartic. It's not fast. It's not efficient. But you know what? I feel better at the end of it. I can look around at the end of the day and say "I did good." I can turn to my loved ones after engaging in more grace and dignity than I thought I could and say "did you see that?" And they say "yes, that was awesome." I can help my loved ones heal the wound, protect them from further wounds, but not accidentally create more.

And it's working. Slowly. Painfully. Diligently. But it's working.

Vengeance? That was effective in it's way. But I'll take grace.

Here's the Thing About Extroverts

I've been hearing a lot about introverts lately. I get it, introverts have been feeling the strain for years. They feel as though they are expected to be something they're not, that it's an extrovert's world, and now with the rise in popularity of the geek and so much of our lives being done in the relative safety of Facebook, they feel as if they are finally given a voice.

And that's awesome. Anytime anyone can be their authentic self (without actively harming others) is great. Anytime someone can be heard (and they are speaking our of love or desire for understanding) is great. Most of my friends are introverts, and I love being able to understand how to better care for them.  But, as the token extrovert, here's what extroverts want you to know:

It's not all sunshine and roses for us, either. Here's why:

1. People don't understand this is a need for us. When we ask you to come over, to go do something with us, to talk to us on the phone, it isn't always just casual. Just as you need time without people to recharge. We need quality time with people to recharge. So, when we are rejected, it can be difficult. It hurts. When it happens consistently, it hurts more than just a casual "I don't want to" or "I don't have time." Because what it means is "I don't understand or care about your needs enough to step outside of my comfort zone to help you refuel." Too much time without people makes us feel claustrophobic, a little twitchy. This is what we need to  feel the most healthy.

2. It's hard to balance our extroversion with our duties. It really is a golden balance. I have to clean my house. I have to educate my kids. I have to run the publishing house. All of these things require quiet time at home. However, too much of that, and I lose the focus to do those things. Working quietly with others is optimal, but even then quietly means with music happening, chatting while we work, and a lot of introverts aren't able to function that way. And two extroverts together means very little work gets done. So it's a constant balancing act of keeping myself charged enough to function optiimally, but leaving time to function.

3. You feel like you are constantly told to change who you are. Yep, introverts don't have exclusive rights to that. "Why don't you just sit quietly and relax?" "You're too outgoing and it puts us off." "Wow, you spend more time out of your house than you do in it." "Can't you just dial things back a bit?" People don't realize that relaxation is different for us, and so to please them we do things that are antithetical to our extrovert nature, and then people don't understand why we are fidgety. We have to tone down our fire for the comfort of others. We have to be alone for a socially acceptable amount of hours. It gets exhausting. But because your need to refuel depends on other people, we have to be dependent on their understanding of our situation. As most people aren't, it can get a bit claustrophobic.

4. People suggest solitude and you want to die a little. "You've had a tough time, why don't you just take a little while to relax." Let me tell you, we need people, and energy, especially when we've had a rough time. Leave us in a quiet room when we are already emotionally strained and you'll have us clawing at the inside of our skulls. We will get mopey, lethargic. But all too often, well-meaning people give us our space in times of trial. I don't need space. I need people. I need energy. I need activity. I will come back better able to deal with things, if given those.

I love my introvert friends. They go out of their way to help me balance my needs. So, if any of you are reading this, please don't be offended. But I do get frustrated at the concept that societal pressures are exclusive to the introvert set. They aren't. They're just different, that's all. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a whole wide world out there and I need to touch it all.

Oh Gwyneth

I will admit, I've become fascinated with Gwyneth Paltrow's website, Goop. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for tips, and I'm certainly not shopping. It is kind of like watching a video of pratfalls, or maybe a trainwreck. I'm pretty sure, in her glorious, pristine world, that she's not sure what goop means.  It's painful, it makes no sense, and yet I cannot look away. Lately, I've noticed some of her invigorating morning meals and routines. She wakes up, most likely wearing some of the $100 pajama pants that she offers on her website. She floats, ethereally down the stairs, and makes herself a smoothie. The recipe for the smoothie literally reads like this:

1 cup almond milk

1 tablespoon almond butter

1 teaspoon coconut oil

2 tablespoons vanilla mushroom protein powder

1 teaspoon maca

1 teaspoon ashwagandha

1 teaspoon ho shou wu

1 teaspoon cordyceps

1 teaspoon moon dust of choice:Action Dust to soothe overworked muscles, Beauty Dust for a glowy complexion and healthy hair, Brain Dust to combat mental fogginess,Goodnight Dust when sleep has been evasive, Sex Dust, for, you know, and Spirit Dust to get that extrasensory perception going.

pinch Himalayan sea salt

pinch vanilla powder (optional)

I don't know about you, but I don't even know what half of those ingredients are. That's okay, 

I'll move on to the omelette. Wait, that involves free range duck eggs, organic spinach, and organic crimini mushrooms, none of which I frequently keep stocked in my kitchen. And you only use the whites of the duck eggs. At roughly $3 an egg, that's a lot that I'm just throwing away. Unless I want to make some duck yolk lemon curd. With organic lemons. 'Cause Gwenyth. Also, this invigorating morning routine costs about $85. And seems to involve at least 45 minutes of effort. I have neither.  So, I've decided to pass on 6 of my most invigorating morning wake-up tips. 

#1 See if you can plan your puppy's vomiting to take place within an hour of when you'd like to wake up. That sprint down the stairs, dragging a reluctant and heaving puppy, that will wake your right up. 

#2 If you live, like I do, in a poorly-insulated 200-year-old house - go straight to the kitchen to make coffee. Do not put on slippers or a robe. Standing there while the wind whips around your head, your feet getting chilblains, while you wait for that blessed brown cup of sanity will ensure that you don't get to sleep again anytime soon. And those capillaries will expand again someday. 

#3 Check your email - Most likely there will be something in there from either your psychotic ex or something involving your job. They will not be good news. You will have to write a furious response, refrain from sending it, type a more reasonable response through your rage and frustration, and then send that. This actually does double duty as it will not only stimulate your brain but will also get your heart pumping. 

#4 Finally get around to pouring that cup of coffee. Then, on the way to the couch, make sure you step on a stray lego left of the floor. The excruciating pain will cause you to dump some coffee down your shirt, which will not only further invigorate you, but will leave you with a warm, pleasant all-natural parfum, if you are carbon-footprint and temporally aware enough to eschew changing your shirt. 

#5 Take a shower. This will ensure that your sleeping children will wake up, no matter what time it is. They will file into the bathroom with their demands, which you will try to accommodate while lathering yourself with soothing aromatherapy-based shampoo. You will not be able to do this, but will instead come charging out, soaking wet, wrapping yourself in a towel, in order to put out whatever hopefully metaphorical fire is now raging. This will again, stimulate your brain, your skin, and your cardiovascular system. 

#6 Stare longingly at the coffee which has, by now, been spilled on the floor. This doesn't help, but is necessary for the next three steps which are a) clean up coffee b) pour more and c) get around to drinking it. 

These tips are tried and true; I have been using them for nearly a decade now. I guarantee that they will work for you. Best of all, this whole morning costs less than $5! Tune in next week for more happy, healthy, joy-inspiring tips from someone who truly understands goop.